My
Name is Nancy
is a memoir written by Nancy Calkins for the author’s children and
grandchildren. But her story has such detail and some pointed insights that
make it good reading for other booklovers as well. Nancy Womdeldorff Caulkins
recalls family history before her time, moves into her childhood memories,
heads into her teen years and brings readers up to date with her adult life. The
picture of her ancestors can be the story of many immigrants to this country
and helps readers appreciate how we all came from somewhere else. The angst of
her teen years is universal to many; her honesty in dealing with a rough
marriage can be helpful to young women in a similar situation.
I
have to admit that I shared part of Nancy’s life so my review is colored by our
mutual memories. With that said, I totally enjoyed her story. I love memoir, am
somewhat of a voyeur in looking at the lives of others through memoirs, and I
found hers fast and wonderful. She told me things about my own region of Kansas
I never knew.
I
had a few questions for the author that I will share with you below.
1.
The
detail of your grandfather going out the back door every time your dad walked
in the front door was a painful point to read. It must have been very hard on
your mom and I wonder she ever had the nerve to marry your dad! Was your
grandfather as stanch in all his beliefs? And looking back now, do you see
anyway for these two in-laws to ever have connected better than avoidance?
My mother’s strength had already been
tested when she stood up to her father and left home after college, a decision
with which her parents disagreed. I
think the greatest pain was for my dad, rather than my mother. She already knew what Grandfather was like
and how he felt. My dad had tears when
he told me about Grandfather walking out.
It hurt him that her parents were unwilling to accept him, unwilling to
even give him a chance. I can’t speak
much to my Grandfather’s beliefs because I was only five years old when he
passed away. I do know that he was a
teetotaler and when the doctor recommended he drink a beer a day for his heart,
he couldn’t bring himself to do it. From
what I know, I would never have expected him to behave any differently or to become
more accepting. Some people never change
and I believe she knew her dad was one of those people. My dad was a good man, loving and
caring. It was Grandfather’s loss that
he never got to know him. Sometimes I
wonder if Grandfather ever laughed.
2.
In writing a memoir, how did you choose what
to put in and what to leave out?
I chose to leave out some of the
ugliness that really added nothing to my message. I wrote extensively about family history and
family stories because that’s what I wanted to preserve. I omitted what was unnecessary or undeserving
of inclusion. The greater task was
trying to recall all that I wanted to include, and thank goodness for other
family members for helping me to do that.
Even now I remember things or hear new stories that I could have included. For that reason I think a memoir is never
really complete.
3.
Your
research on your genealogy seemed very complete. Do you have any special tips
that you learned in finding your family story that others writers could use?
Fortunately, my sister
Joyce had already done extensive genealogy work. I’m also a lifetime member of the Womelsdorf
Family Association which is a wonderful resource for my ancestry. I took advantage of the Internet to do
research and am currently helping my husband track his family heritage. The Internet has proved invaluable. I think the important thing is not to give
up. Some days I come up with nothing,
but on other days I may find several family members to add.
4.
You
are super honest about your first marriage and that you endured a painful
situation for nearly twenty years, longer than you should have. You urge young
women to avoid this path and to learn to take care of themselves. I agree that
education is a ticket, but do you have any warning signs for young women to
watch for in avoiding this kind of relationship or how to get out of one they
might be in?
We each determine our own worth, so to accept
less than we deserve is cheating ourselves.
Being treated less than an equal means it’s time to reassess. If the emotional chaos, turmoil, and anxiety
far outweigh any positive, satisfying fulfillment in a relationship, then I would
contend that something isn’t right. The
chaos may come from verbal or physical abuse, lack of respect, isolation, anger
problems, control issues, dishonesty—from a variety of personal problems. Being in love doesn’t mean being in constant
pain.
Even
if you don’t know Nancy, this book is a good little read. Even if you don’t
know southeastern Kansas, you will find foods, games, and traditions of the
1950s and 1960 era Midwest entertaining. If you ever want to write a memoir for
your own children, My Name is Nancy
makes a great teacher on how to do it right. The book can be ordered from
Amazon.
6 comments:
Hi Claudia and Nancy,
Thanks for sharing your interview.
Your questions and Nancy's answers were revealing--and moving.
Thank you for posting your interview, Claudia.
Nancy, thank you for taking the time to research, interview and write your autobiography.
Parts of it had to have been difficult to sort through and parts had to have left you rolling on the floor laughing!
I heart you sister o' mine!
Hello Bookie...Sounds like a very good, written-from-the-heart book. Thanks for the interview. Thanks, too, to Nancy for sharing her thoughts with us. Susan
This sounds like a neat book! I'm going to see if our library carries it!
Happy New Year!
Thanks for highlighting this Claudia! I love the reference to the nurse and how our lives intersect in amazing ways.
Jenny, right now the only place my book is available is through CreateSpace.com and Amazon.com.
While I was walking through a flea market today, I saw handmade doll clothes and was instantly reminded of the three doll dresses I have saved in a metal tin——doll dresses that my Grandma Minnie made for me.
This confirms my earlier belief that my memoir, although published, remains incomplete. I wish I had mentioned in my book the doll dresses Grandma made for us ... the tiny stitching and perfect tailoring. Unfortunately, during the 18 months I worked on my autobiography, I didn't think of the doll dresses, not until today, walking through a flea market.
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