Thursday, April 20, 2017

Week Is Passing



Another week has slipped by, and it felt full because we had lots of appointments to keep. It takes a lot of energy for us to just keep up right now. Double for me, as I feel I am watching a child as I try to keep my DH out of trouble. As I write this, he managed to get on top of the roof to clean out the gutters and he should NOT be up there!!!

It rained this morning and more coming tonight and tomorrow morning. It did pause enough for me to fetch some of the roses before they get beaten off in the hard rains coming. This morning was a gentle rain at least. The blessing of the week was two afternoons of perfect sunshine where we could sit among our spring flowers and green grass with iced tea and maybe a book.

One morning I tackled my writing files. It was a bittersweet job as I tossed much I knew I would never be able to deal with again. I was pleasantly surprised to see how much I had published though and enjoyed looking at what I had achieved. I found the following poem published in 2006 which I had long forgotten. It had been lost in a computer crash, but I had the magazine still. Glad I did not overlook it.

I got news of my biopsy this week. It will be May 3, and I dread it but such is life these days!

This morning I rode along with DH as he went to his haircut. I miss seeing my friend. She did snip at my unruly gray fuzz! It is not long but it was shaggy looking. She leveled some places and trimmed some side pieces that were two different lengths. It feels better so I hope it looks better too!

Garage Sale

Stacks of stuff line the floor down the hall.

How did we actually accumulate it all?

Unmated mittens, woven neck scarves torn.

Christmas toys broken and now piled in a heap:

Curling irons that no longer heat.

A wool plaid coat missing a button or two;

An ugly purse, shoes that don’t match

Thrown on top of the bulging batch

Of leftovers and unnecessary things.

It is rummage; it must be spring!

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Sun Isn't Enough


 
Yesterday DH had his week post op checkup. What a joke. Because ten doctors rotate, we got yet another one who seemed, ah, spacey. Enough said, but nothing could be discussed since none of the reports were back yet! So, after an hour long, tiresome wait in the waiting room, we achieved nothing but making another appointment.

This morning we got up early to head to Springfield for a consult on my last week’s contrast scan. Sun was gorgeous. Grass was a carpet of green. Winter wheat was lush and ankle high. White cattle on green grass was a sight to see, such spring promise.

But it would take more to keep the day hopeful. My news was not good. The cancer has spread, some in liver and you know what that means. The winter’s chemo did not work which was extra sad to think of the wasted time. The options aren’t good but I agreed to be part of a control group which means a biopsy in a couple of weeks. The tissue will go to M.D. Anderson, and no, the percentages are not good. But if I match, there might be a hope in a new medicine they have. If not, I have wasted some time, some hope, and have a hole in my gut. Well, I have already been through worse.

DH took news very hard, but I had to concentrate on the driving since he couldn’t today. It does seem unfair all we have been through lately, but hey, life isn’t fair. I still want to hang on and live until I can’t. Want to see grandkids that have not seen in months; I want to pet my dog as much as I can; want to see New Mexico one more time if possible. Want to be realistic as possible too: like I passed up shopping Charming Charlie’s today for a new purse! 😊 I hope to have some lines to put here a few more times. And yes, I want to see the sun and thank God for it when it is here!

Friday, April 7, 2017

April Not a Fix So Far!


 
 
I had so hoped April would be a fix for us around here. Not so. After six weeks of pain and distress for DH which meant the same for me watching and trying to help in my own condition, he finally got some help. He saw a second urologist Monday which was a wonderful man even though he knew he hut DH a great deal as it had to be. Four hours in his office and he wanted surgery right then, but the operating rooms were full! No hospital rooms either so DH had to stay in ER until 3 am.
The next morning, he went to surgery to remove a bladder stone the size of a gold ball blocking the urinary track. I had two-hour contract scan and will go next week for consultation. DH came home yesterday and he returns next week as well. He cannot drive or lift and such, some for a month.  This household is the lame leading the lame! Our son is coming to mow for us tomorrow and anything else needing to be done.

But today the sun shines anyway! After a night of tornadoes nearby and cold, dark rain this week, I am so ready to see the yellow globe! Surely it will help. Then one night I saw the pictures of the gas attacks. I will not comment on the politics of this horror, but I did break down and sob. Wanting so much more for humanity than we are getting right now! Sun is to be perfect and 78 tomorrow so am trying to concentrate on the good.

I did get news this week that one of my poems used on the Kansas Poet Laureate site will be used in an anthology of poems this year. I will admit to this being a happy thing. Each little pat on the head keeps us going, doesn’t it?

Still hoping April will bring goodness for me, mine, you and yours!

                                                             Pictures thanks to Porch Sitting Union of America

Sunday, April 2, 2017

April Showers


 
 
                                                         tulip teacups wave
                                                in strong wind waiting to fill
                                                      with rainwater nectar
 
We are truly into April now and you remember "April Showers Bring May Flowers".
 
The air is somewhat chilly, but it is the gun barrel gray skies that are hard to bear. There has been rain too and more is scheduled to come. Our week is loaded with doctor appointments so it hard to find something joyous to focus on.
 
I went to the pharmacy for DH refills--that no doctor has still renewed yet! Nearby was a Lowe's store that was loaded with fresh flowers. Yes, I know too early and I am in not much shape to tote flowers. But like visiting a museum, I wanted to meander through and soak up the sights.
 
Beautiful petunias were half off and so were some tulips. The petunias can take the yo-yoing of the temperatures. I felt we needed some bright sight on the deck even if we only saw it from the kitchen as we looked out the glass with noses pressed there looking for sun!
 
 
Meanwhile I am having fun with Jan Morrill's haiku! Her first one was for spring and today's was asking for color. Tomorrow---dogs.  Check it out and have a good week!
 
https://haikubyhaiku.wordpress.com/2017/04/02/national-poetry-month-haiku-contest-day-2-colors/#comment-1554
 
 
 
 

Thursday, March 30, 2017

More Kindness



It is as chilly as winter today and a slow drizzly rain that is reminiscent of beginning snow has fallen all day. The damp chill seems to sink into my bones like honey into warm cornbread! Even Biscuit doesn’t want out, but curls up on our bed trying to wait for a sunnier day.

Last night we went to ER again and this time DH got some temporary relief which some mental relief for me. I never do well in the month of March as S.A.D. wipes me out. This year with cancer and hubby and family issues and the sorrowful state of our country, well, life in general, I was holding my own until yesterday. Then worry about hubby broke me down. I called ER and got a truly kind charge nurse who said, “Bring him in. I can help him.” She did and then the PA, also a kind woman, did blood work that should have been done long before. They gave him pain meds and enough relief until we can see a doctor on Monday. I think we are in for another big life change here. Doesn’t feel fair that our Golden Years are so tarnished! But I am grateful for kindness of these women.

Another strange incident in kindness happened this morning when I went to grocery store. I did not use the riding cart but got myself through the store walking, a feat for me these days. A man smiled at me in line and when I got my stuff to the car, he too had checked out and was parked next to me. He started talking to me about how unkind some people are these days and how a lady in the store made him feel bad. Did I ever have that happen? Ah, yes, and I wondered in the cold drizzle what kind of a come on this was. I said people are upset in general and maybe she had bad day before the store. He said the woman had ruined his day until a kind woman talked to him in the parking lot, thanked me, and wished me a good day ahead. Strange. But I said a little prayer asking God to never let me forget what a kind word does for people, no matter how depressed or sick I get.
 
So, March is ending now, and I have always like April because it is National Poetry Month. This afternoon Jan Morrill put up a Haiku challenge on her blog page. Oh, what fun this sounds like! I have struggled with haiku as I try to follow the rules and then have had editors correct me, saying I adhere too closely to rules. Hum, I never know what to do. But this is 30 days with new topic for every April day. Surely, I can write a few 17 syllable poems for her page! I have not been able to write at all, but this just might help get the brain working again. I suggest you check her page out at https://haikubyhaiku.wordpress.com/2017/03/30/celebrate-national-poetry-month/

I hope to see your own lines there during April!!!!
 
Clip art from http://www.bing.com/

Sunday, March 26, 2017

In the Pink?




Friday night was another difficult night and then in the wee hours of morning a storm with lots of thunder moved through. Biscuit doesn’t like thunder, but she was a trooper and remained quiet in her crate. The whole house waited for storm to be over and that made the coming day even more tiresome.

But I wanted to do something to take my mind off all the difficulties in life. I was tired of sitting and straightened a few things around here. I made a new casserole for lunch and stirred up cookies for the first time in over a year. Oh, folks have brought us cakes and cookies, but we have been trying to leave them alone for health reasons. Ah, yesterday was a big fail because I wanted some of my own chocolate chip cookies. I just use the Toll House recipe, but I use three different kinds of chocolate chips.

Then I changed table top again. I might not be able to climb and clean corners and sweeping floor is often beyond me, but I can change a table cloth and feel like I am in control of some part of my own wonky life! I chose pink, a color I rarely use and it feels like Easter and spring and light and airy! When I was four years old, I loved pink, wanted everything pink. My mom hated pink and loved red. It was a squabble every time I dressed, but I guess I got my fill of pink in the end. Nice to see it again though now.
 
 
 

In the afternoon, I read a book which is also difficult some of these days. I finished A Piece of Time by Christina Kline, and I really enjoyed the book. It is story built around Wyeth’s painting titled “Christina’s World”. I’ve always liked the painting, and my mother-in-law had a print of the painting hanging in her house for years. I recommend the story even if you are not familiar with Wyeth or the painting. I think I will sample more of this author when I can.
                                               Christina's World by A. Wyeth

The day ended and night was better for me; DH still had issues, but I was so tired (and cookie full) that I slept. Now the Sunday morning is bright with sunshine despite more storms coming. I hope to get out on the deck this afternoon to soak up sunshine while I can. March is ending this week, and I hope it takes all the darkness with it—well, as much as it can. Let April bring some lightness and cheer.

Happy Sunday to you!

Thursday, March 23, 2017

KINDNESS!



In a world that seems to have gone amok, there is still joy, color, sunshine, and kindness, and yes, weeds too!
 
                                                    from Susan

DH has been sick for three weeks. Still no answers but some meds finally this week that are helping. It has been a little hard to keep that “stiff upper lip” around here! But today it is 75 and windows open which is delightful. I refuse to worry today about the severe storms, hail and wind forecast for tomorrow!
                                                from Kim

 This morning I went to the post office which is a challenge as so many steps or a long walk up handicapped ramps. I was carrying a couple of large and one heavy box. A man was there before I started and climbed the steps and stood. By the time I got to the doors, I realized he had been waiting on me from the beginning just to open the door. He told me the inside door was already open so I did not need to wait for him to open for me. I thanked him but was amazed to realize how much he put himself out for me. It feels good to see kindness.
 
                                                    from Dennis and Kathy

 Of course, the kindness of others has carried me a long way thus far this year. I constantly am on the receiving end of kindness from others, from many readers here.  I have posted pictures of things before, but here are more of things where people went out of their way to think of me.
 
                                               from Linda and the Lawrences

 Thanks again! I try to pay it forward and hope to have many opportunities to do it a lot longer!
                                                       from Lynn