Saturday, April 29, 2017

Rain, Rain, Go Away

Thunder snarls across a sky the color of river gravel this morning. Thick, ashen sheets of heavy rain pour straight down onto ground already soaked from days of earlier rain. Somewhere today, people will face rising water issues. Inside, everyone will feel as grim and dreary as the weather!

Yesterday DH and I used the confinement to share household duties. Nothing gets done these days like it used to. Oh, we keep things straight and picked up, but the corners are dirty and the tabletops have dust so thick you could plant peas! So, we worked on what we could for a few hours. It was far from the deep spring cleaning I used to do, but it does feel better now in this house.

Since it is almost May, I felt like I wanted to put away some of the Easter pastels and reach for summer reds for a while. I wanted some brightness indoors at least. This week I will face a liver biopsy and not sure how I will feel for a while. So, I have something pretty to walk back into again.

Today we could do more I suppose, but we feel listless. We have a grade B movie to kill time with later. Of course, I can always get lost in a book. I have the new Elizabeth Strout book, Anything is Possible. Years ago, when I read her first book, I was not impressed. But then I read Olive Kitteridge, story of a cranky math teacher in a small town. My first read left me wanting; I read it again and loved it. My book club then read it too. You don’t like the main character, but Stroud makes you at least care about her. Have you read this one?  I hope the new one has the same zap.

Thanks to all of you for the continued cards, letters, gifts, and thoughts. Mail time is still special around here. I do appreciate it all as some of the days are falling into such a rut, especially in this rainy season. I hope you readers are staying dry…we must remember this damp coolness in the coming July!!!!  Now I will pour some cinnamon orange tea and curl up with my book….hope you can do the same.

Monday, April 24, 2017

It's Trash Day!

Last week it rained until I felt like a soaked sponge in dirty dishwater. Even the dog did not want to go out! She lingered around with us as we watched movie after movie to escape the roaring gutters and splattered flowers. Then just as the weather started to turn, when sun began to peek around, DH started with bleeding and pain. I found him on the floor of bathroom where he had put himself not able to go forward anymore.

So, we raced to the ER where nothing raced! The doctor leaving duty (we would not see another for three more hours and at our insistence!) said it wasn’t unusual for his kind of surgery. They needed to irrigate the bladder for blood clots. His pain, my pain, exhaustion just made me numb and crazy. Watching less than stellar employees drove me nuts. How I want to fix the world! One nurse just did not seem to know clearly what she was doing. She finally asked me to help hold a tube aloft and I picked up the trash.  I miffed a couple of RNs when I dared to ask questions. When they finally admitted DH,  they were keeping him until they could talk to urologist in the morning, I left the hospital at 1:30 a.m.

Yesterday no doctor ever showed up. Surprise! This morning we wait again, weary of “stuff”. Biscuit has been sad without her Daddy home. But it is Monday and that means trash day! She hears the brakes of the trash truck a block away and looks at me. I know, it is “chase the trash truck day”. I let her out and she runs from one fence corner to the other looking like a streak of saffron butter flowing across the yard, back and forth-back and forth. When she feels like she finally has scared the monster off, she comes to the door with a satisfied look on her face!  If only we could be so fulfilled with so little!

So here we are at Monday’s door again. The sun is out and day is to be a beauty outside before four more days of rain show up this week. Ugh. We wait for a doctor or some info at the hospital. I have a low tire I must attend. I will go to Joplin and help DH wait and wonder. I hope you all have a beautiful Monday with a fresh start for a good week as you chase your own trash trucks!

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Week Is Passing

Another week has slipped by, and it felt full because we had lots of appointments to keep. It takes a lot of energy for us to just keep up right now. Double for me, as I feel I am watching a child as I try to keep my DH out of trouble. As I write this, he managed to get on top of the roof to clean out the gutters and he should NOT be up there!!!

It rained this morning and more coming tonight and tomorrow morning. It did pause enough for me to fetch some of the roses before they get beaten off in the hard rains coming. This morning was a gentle rain at least. The blessing of the week was two afternoons of perfect sunshine where we could sit among our spring flowers and green grass with iced tea and maybe a book.

One morning I tackled my writing files. It was a bittersweet job as I tossed much I knew I would never be able to deal with again. I was pleasantly surprised to see how much I had published though and enjoyed looking at what I had achieved. I found the following poem published in 2006 which I had long forgotten. It had been lost in a computer crash, but I had the magazine still. Glad I did not overlook it.

I got news of my biopsy this week. It will be May 3, and I dread it but such is life these days!

This morning I rode along with DH as he went to his haircut. I miss seeing my friend. She did snip at my unruly gray fuzz! It is not long but it was shaggy looking. She leveled some places and trimmed some side pieces that were two different lengths. It feels better so I hope it looks better too!

Garage Sale

Stacks of stuff line the floor down the hall.

How did we actually accumulate it all?

Unmated mittens, woven neck scarves torn.

Christmas toys broken and now piled in a heap:

Curling irons that no longer heat.

A wool plaid coat missing a button or two;

An ugly purse, shoes that don’t match

Thrown on top of the bulging batch

Of leftovers and unnecessary things.

It is rummage; it must be spring!

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Sun Isn't Enough

Yesterday DH had his week post op checkup. What a joke. Because ten doctors rotate, we got yet another one who seemed, ah, spacey. Enough said, but nothing could be discussed since none of the reports were back yet! So, after an hour long, tiresome wait in the waiting room, we achieved nothing but making another appointment.

This morning we got up early to head to Springfield for a consult on my last week’s contrast scan. Sun was gorgeous. Grass was a carpet of green. Winter wheat was lush and ankle high. White cattle on green grass was a sight to see, such spring promise.

But it would take more to keep the day hopeful. My news was not good. The cancer has spread, some in liver and you know what that means. The winter’s chemo did not work which was extra sad to think of the wasted time. The options aren’t good but I agreed to be part of a control group which means a biopsy in a couple of weeks. The tissue will go to M.D. Anderson, and no, the percentages are not good. But if I match, there might be a hope in a new medicine they have. If not, I have wasted some time, some hope, and have a hole in my gut. Well, I have already been through worse.

DH took news very hard, but I had to concentrate on the driving since he couldn’t today. It does seem unfair all we have been through lately, but hey, life isn’t fair. I still want to hang on and live until I can’t. Want to see grandkids that have not seen in months; I want to pet my dog as much as I can; want to see New Mexico one more time if possible. Want to be realistic as possible too: like I passed up shopping Charming Charlie’s today for a new purse! 😊 I hope to have some lines to put here a few more times. And yes, I want to see the sun and thank God for it when it is here!

Friday, April 7, 2017

April Not a Fix So Far!

I had so hoped April would be a fix for us around here. Not so. After six weeks of pain and distress for DH which meant the same for me watching and trying to help in my own condition, he finally got some help. He saw a second urologist Monday which was a wonderful man even though he knew he hut DH a great deal as it had to be. Four hours in his office and he wanted surgery right then, but the operating rooms were full! No hospital rooms either so DH had to stay in ER until 3 am.
The next morning, he went to surgery to remove a bladder stone the size of a gold ball blocking the urinary track. I had two-hour contract scan and will go next week for consultation. DH came home yesterday and he returns next week as well. He cannot drive or lift and such, some for a month.  This household is the lame leading the lame! Our son is coming to mow for us tomorrow and anything else needing to be done.

But today the sun shines anyway! After a night of tornadoes nearby and cold, dark rain this week, I am so ready to see the yellow globe! Surely it will help. Then one night I saw the pictures of the gas attacks. I will not comment on the politics of this horror, but I did break down and sob. Wanting so much more for humanity than we are getting right now! Sun is to be perfect and 78 tomorrow so am trying to concentrate on the good.

I did get news this week that one of my poems used on the Kansas Poet Laureate site will be used in an anthology of poems this year. I will admit to this being a happy thing. Each little pat on the head keeps us going, doesn’t it?

Still hoping April will bring goodness for me, mine, you and yours!

                                                             Pictures thanks to Porch Sitting Union of America

Sunday, April 2, 2017

April Showers

                                                         tulip teacups wave
                                                in strong wind waiting to fill
                                                      with rainwater nectar
We are truly into April now and you remember "April Showers Bring May Flowers".
The air is somewhat chilly, but it is the gun barrel gray skies that are hard to bear. There has been rain too and more is scheduled to come. Our week is loaded with doctor appointments so it hard to find something joyous to focus on.
I went to the pharmacy for DH refills--that no doctor has still renewed yet! Nearby was a Lowe's store that was loaded with fresh flowers. Yes, I know too early and I am in not much shape to tote flowers. But like visiting a museum, I wanted to meander through and soak up the sights.
Beautiful petunias were half off and so were some tulips. The petunias can take the yo-yoing of the temperatures. I felt we needed some bright sight on the deck even if we only saw it from the kitchen as we looked out the glass with noses pressed there looking for sun!
Meanwhile I am having fun with Jan Morrill's haiku! Her first one was for spring and today's was asking for color. Tomorrow---dogs.  Check it out and have a good week!