Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Sun Isn't Enough


 
Yesterday DH had his week post op checkup. What a joke. Because ten doctors rotate, we got yet another one who seemed, ah, spacey. Enough said, but nothing could be discussed since none of the reports were back yet! So, after an hour long, tiresome wait in the waiting room, we achieved nothing but making another appointment.

This morning we got up early to head to Springfield for a consult on my last week’s contrast scan. Sun was gorgeous. Grass was a carpet of green. Winter wheat was lush and ankle high. White cattle on green grass was a sight to see, such spring promise.

But it would take more to keep the day hopeful. My news was not good. The cancer has spread, some in liver and you know what that means. The winter’s chemo did not work which was extra sad to think of the wasted time. The options aren’t good but I agreed to be part of a control group which means a biopsy in a couple of weeks. The tissue will go to M.D. Anderson, and no, the percentages are not good. But if I match, there might be a hope in a new medicine they have. If not, I have wasted some time, some hope, and have a hole in my gut. Well, I have already been through worse.

DH took news very hard, but I had to concentrate on the driving since he couldn’t today. It does seem unfair all we have been through lately, but hey, life isn’t fair. I still want to hang on and live until I can’t. Want to see grandkids that have not seen in months; I want to pet my dog as much as I can; want to see New Mexico one more time if possible. Want to be realistic as possible too: like I passed up shopping Charming Charlie’s today for a new purse! 😊 I hope to have some lines to put here a few more times. And yes, I want to see the sun and thank God for it when it is here!

8 comments:

Rebecca said...

Now THAT'S tough stuff. All of it.
A friend of ours facing kind of similar hard stuff used to say, "If you're not dead, you're not done."
I wish I could "do" something for you.

Mevely317 said...

Hugs and prayers, Claudia. (Then more prayers!)

Sioux Roslawski said...

Claudia--

You said no to Charming Charlies? I love that place.

I'm sorry your husband's appointment didn't go as planned. I'm sorry you got not-the-best news.

Life is truly NOT fair. And unfortunately, these words I'm offering are powerless...

Elephant's Child said...

Heartfelt hugs and oceans of caring.

Linda O'Connell said...

My heart breaks for you. I do hope you are a match for Anderson. Such bad news and you have such fortitude. Prayers for strength.

Linda O'Connell said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Susan said...

Oh Claudia. Just read this. (It's Thursday night.) That news about your cancer report was devastating. Wretched news. Guess now is the time, more than ever, to take one day at a time. As Rebecca said, "If you're not dead, you are not done." With every breath, there is life.

You are a fighter, Claudia, and for that I am grateful. Prayers will continue daily. We are all here for you, dear Claudia. There is strength in numbers and prayers can move mountains. Hugs. Susan

BECKY said...

Hi Claudia, I hope you are reading your emails, along with your blog comments. I chose to share my thoughts and feelings with an email.