Happy Sunday

The rains have ceased until late in the coming week. We have slight water under our house for the first time in eons of time. The ground is just so soaked, it leaches out everywhere. But…sun is out and it has lifted everyone!  Somehow, bright sun seems to be message from God that things will go on one way or another.

The doctors have called and after this week’s biopsy fiasco, they want to meet with us on Thursday for a discussion. I can tell you that I am much more stressed by the thoughts of this than the biopsy.

 

Meanwhile, the flower fairy friends have been here this weekend. Look at the beauty, and I wish I could send you the sweet fragrance of the peonies. The scent spreads in my kitchen. I always have an ivy geranium each year, but this year did not feel like the hunt and plant. A friend filled this need and I have an ivy geranium once again.

 

 

 

The air is warm enough to have windows open so even lingering in the kitchen, I can hear the tinkling of the fountain. Yes, even after hearing rain, I still like the soothing sound of water falling over rocks.

I have brewed two kinds of tea today, have a book for deck time, feel no pain,  and a friend is stopping on her way through town today. I could ask for no more.

I hope you enjoy a bright day today and look eagerly to a new week.

Biospy, Anyone?

While the deck flowers are huddling under the picnic table and grill for protection and even a little warmth, the indoor plants seem to be thriving on the occasional furnace warmth added to the dampness of monsoon season here. This Cousin Sel plant has leaves the size of saucers right now, and the spray of red trumpets cascading down the pot are a bright spot for sure.

This morning we left in more rain. The skies rained, thundered, and tossed lightning bolts all night long. While we were safe, I was awake thinking of all the people who were flooded, now getting more insult from Mother Nature. It rained all the way to Springfield, and we had allowed more time to get there. (Heard yesterday of someone who spend 8 ½ hours getting from Joplin to St. Louis due to water problems.)

We got to Springfield by 8 am and started the bloodletting procedures and readying for biopsy. Once prepared I waited another hour on whatever. Then they decided to use ultrasound instead of CAT to guide the camera and needles. Ah, then there was a problem. The two guys in the room could not see the lesions well enough. The doctor came in; he couldn’t see the lesions well enough and only route was through a vein that wasn’t worth the risk. He called the oncologist who said if it caused me risk and pain with maybe no good result, cancel the whole thing for now. I should have felt release from that poking, but I didn’t.

By the time we got back to the car I was chilled to the bone. It felt like late November instead of May. We got some breakfast sandwiches and headed home. Hubby was the driver both ways and by time we got home he was so exhausted as he did not sleep well night before either. He slept much of the afternoon; I dozed some.

I am relieved the lesions are so small and can only hope they grown very slowly. But still, it all makes me feel more on a precipice than ever. I am trying so hard to put a good spin on this for now. I know sun is to shine on Friday and the weekend so maybe that will help me get the grip to go forward again. Right now, the cold dampness bores into my spine and joints. I am listless.  I don’t want to move or think. But, oh yes, Miss Scarlett, tomorrow is another day!!!! I am going to fetch the flannel nightgown and get ready for it when it arrives!!!!  

 

 

Rain, Rain, Go Away

Thunder snarls across a sky the color of river gravel this morning. Thick, ashen sheets of heavy rain pour straight down onto ground already soaked from days of earlier rain. Somewhere today, people will face rising water issues. Inside, everyone will feel as grim and dreary as the weather!

Yesterday DH and I used the confinement to share household duties. Nothing gets done these days like it used to. Oh, we keep things straight and picked up, but the corners are dirty and the tabletops have dust so thick you could plant peas! So, we worked on what we could for a few hours. It was far from the deep spring cleaning I used to do, but it does feel better now in this house.

Since it is almost May, I felt like I wanted to put away some of the Easter pastels and reach for summer reds for a while. I wanted some brightness indoors at least. This week I will face a liver biopsy and not sure how I will feel for a while. So, I have something pretty to walk back into again.

Today we could do more I suppose, but we feel listless. We have a grade B movie to kill time with later. Of course, I can always get lost in a book. I have the new Elizabeth Strout book, Anything is Possible. Years ago, when I read her first book, I was not impressed. But then I read Olive Kitteridge, story of a cranky math teacher in a small town. My first read left me wanting; I read it again and loved it. My book club then read it too. You don’t like the main character, but Stroud makes you at least care about her. Have you read this one?  I hope the new one has the same zap.

 

Thanks to all of you for the continued cards, letters, gifts, and thoughts. Mail time is still special around here. I do appreciate it all as some of the days are falling into such a rut, especially in this rainy season. I hope you readers are staying dry…we must remember this damp coolness in the coming July!!!!  Now I will pour some cinnamon orange tea and curl up with my book….hope you can do the same.

 

 

It's Trash Day!

Last week it rained until I felt like a soaked sponge in dirty dishwater. Even the dog did not want to go out! She lingered around with us as we watched movie after movie to escape the roaring gutters and splattered flowers. Then just as the weather started to turn, when sun began to peek around, DH started with bleeding and pain. I found him on the floor of bathroom where he had put himself not able to go forward anymore.

So, we raced to the ER where nothing raced! The doctor leaving duty (we would not see another for three more hours and at our insistence!) said it wasn’t unusual for his kind of surgery. They needed to irrigate the bladder for blood clots. His pain, my pain, exhaustion just made me numb and crazy. Watching less than stellar employees drove me nuts. How I want to fix the world! One nurse just did not seem to know clearly what she was doing. She finally asked me to help hold a tube aloft and I picked up the trash.  I miffed a couple of RNs when I dared to ask questions. When they finally admitted DH,  they were keeping him until they could talk to urologist in the morning, I left the hospital at 1:30 a.m.

Yesterday no doctor ever showed up. Surprise! This morning we wait again, weary of “stuff”. Biscuit has been sad without her Daddy home. But it is Monday and that means trash day! She hears the brakes of the trash truck a block away and looks at me. I know, it is “chase the trash truck day”. I let her out and she runs from one fence corner to the other looking like a streak of saffron butter flowing across the yard, back and forth-back and forth. When she feels like she finally has scared the monster off, she comes to the door with a satisfied look on her face!  If only we could be so fulfilled with so little!

So here we are at Monday’s door again. The sun is out and day is to be a beauty outside before four more days of rain show up this week. Ugh. We wait for a doctor or some info at the hospital. I have a low tire I must attend. I will go to Joplin and help DH wait and wonder. I hope you all have a beautiful Monday with a fresh start for a good week as you chase your own trash trucks!

Week Is Passing

Another week has slipped by, and it felt full because we had lots of appointments to keep. It takes a lot of energy for us to just keep up right now. Double for me, as I feel I am watching a child as I try to keep my DH out of trouble. As I write this, he managed to get on top of the roof to clean out the gutters and he should NOT be up there!!!

It rained this morning and more coming tonight and tomorrow morning. It did pause enough for me to fetch some of the roses before they get beaten off in the hard rains coming. This morning was a gentle rain at least. The blessing of the week was two afternoons of perfect sunshine where we could sit among our spring flowers and green grass with iced tea and maybe a book.

One morning I tackled my writing files. It was a bittersweet job as I tossed much I knew I would never be able to deal with again. I was pleasantly surprised to see how much I had published though and enjoyed looking at what I had achieved. I found the following poem published in 2006 which I had long forgotten. It had been lost in a computer crash, but I had the magazine still. Glad I did not overlook it.

I got news of my biopsy this week. It will be May 3, and I dread it but such is life these days!

This morning I rode along with DH as he went to his haircut. I miss seeing my friend. She did snip at my unruly gray fuzz! It is not long but it was shaggy looking. She leveled some places and trimmed some side pieces that were two different lengths. It feels better so I hope it looks better too!

Garage Sale

Stacks of stuff line the floor down the hall.

How did we actually accumulate it all?

Unmated mittens, woven neck scarves torn.

Christmas toys broken and now piled in a heap:

Curling irons that no longer heat.

A wool plaid coat missing a button or two;

An ugly purse, shoes that don’t match

Thrown on top of the bulging batch

Of leftovers and unnecessary things.

It is rummage; it must be spring!

Sun Isn't Enough

 

Yesterday DH had his week post op checkup. What a joke. Because ten doctors rotate, we got yet another one who seemed, ah, spacey. Enough said, but nothing could be discussed since none of the reports were back yet! So, after an hour long, tiresome wait in the waiting room, we achieved nothing but making another appointment.

This morning we got up early to head to Springfield for a consult on my last week’s contrast scan. Sun was gorgeous. Grass was a carpet of green. Winter wheat was lush and ankle high. White cattle on green grass was a sight to see, such spring promise.

But it would take more to keep the day hopeful. My news was not good. The cancer has spread, some in liver and you know what that means. The winter’s chemo did not work which was extra sad to think of the wasted time. The options aren’t good but I agreed to be part of a control group which means a biopsy in a couple of weeks. The tissue will go to M.D. Anderson, and no, the percentages are not good. But if I match, there might be a hope in a new medicine they have. If not, I have wasted some time, some hope, and have a hole in my gut. Well, I have already been through worse.

DH took news very hard, but I had to concentrate on the driving since he couldn’t today. It does seem unfair all we have been through lately, but hey, life isn’t fair. I still want to hang on and live until I can’t. Want to see grandkids that have not seen in months; I want to pet my dog as much as I can; want to see New Mexico one more time if possible. Want to be realistic as possible too: like I passed up shopping Charming Charlie’s today for a new purse! 😊 I hope to have some lines to put here a few more times. And yes, I want to see the sun and thank God for it when it is here!

April Not a Fix So Far!

 

 

I had so hoped April would be a fix for us around here. Not so. After six weeks of pain and distress for DH which meant the same for me watching and trying to help in my own condition, he finally got some help. He saw a second urologist Monday which was a wonderful man even though he knew he hut DH a great deal as it had to be. Four hours in his office and he wanted surgery right then, but the operating rooms were full! No hospital rooms either so DH had to stay in ER until 3 am.

The next morning, he went to surgery to remove a bladder stone the size of a gold ball blocking the urinary track. I had two-hour contract scan and will go next week for consultation. DH came home yesterday and he returns next week as well. He cannot drive or lift and such, some for a month.  This household is the lame leading the lame! Our son is coming to mow for us tomorrow and anything else needing to be done.

But today the sun shines anyway! After a night of tornadoes nearby and cold, dark rain this week, I am so ready to see the yellow globe! Surely it will help. Then one night I saw the pictures of the gas attacks. I will not comment on the politics of this horror, but I did break down and sob. Wanting so much more for humanity than we are getting right now! Sun is to be perfect and 78 tomorrow so am trying to concentrate on the good.

I did get news this week that one of my poems used on the Kansas Poet Laureate site will be used in an anthology of poems this year. I will admit to this being a happy thing. Each little pat on the head keeps us going, doesn’t it?

Still hoping April will bring goodness for me, mine, you and yours!

                                                             Pictures thanks to Porch Sitting Union of America