Testy January Day With Some Delightful Spots

 

Well, it was not a good day! Some days start off marching on the left foot and only way to correct it is to go back to bed and start over, which was not an option for me today. I have dreaded and actually been fearful of going to chemo this morning as I wondered what kind of side effects I would have this time. We had house and refrigerator set for a week of illness and laundry done up. Then I could not get chemo due to blood counts being so low. Where was the power of all that liver I ate? The red blood cells required a shot to build up which scares me due to the possibility of increased tumor growth. I don’t have much left they can pull out with a tumor!

 

When I got home, there was a package from blogger buddy in Australia!!!! (http://myjustsostory.blogspot.com/)  It had this lovely tea cup that made her think of me…blue and orange with butterflies! It is lovely gift and thought; this writer has plenty on her own plate so really appreciate she made time for me! I set the splash of orange next to my orange fox. This picture taken and framed for me by a friend’s hubby.

So, I decided to stay up and push more. While a few snowmen still hover around the edges, I did away with the red tablecloth. This might be a mistake because the day is so bright and warm it is easy to forget we are still in January, still in winter and will probably face snow and more darkness. (I am not eager to face the spring tornadic stuff that poor Georgia faced this weekend!)

I decided to put out things that reminded me of the Santa Fe area. I have little but a few paper napkins and some red poppies on the new turquoise place mats remind me a little of that Northeastern corner of New Mexico we love so much. I don’t think I have seen a turquoise tea pot, but maybe that should be an item I could search for. The hunt is often more thrilling than obtaining the item.

Still trying to turn the tide of the day, I came to computer to put 2016 pictures all in a folder. I did and then lost them all. They are not to be found in this machine!!!! So I think I’m going to don a flannel nightgown, wait for evening to pass, and start all over tomorrow!  

 

Chemo in the Kitchen!

I learned recently that chemo started with the use of arsenic. That seems appropriate because chemo feels like poison in my body! The new formula that was to be a little easier was the worst ever. Then I found out I got more of a dose than the cancer team had suggested. It took a long time to come out of the cloud and I’m still not there. Too bad, but I return for another hit on Monday. You can bet I will be asking what the numbers are when they start that drip!

Chemo does lots of things, but there a real side effect called chemo brain. It is hard to bear, the not thinking clearly. The feeling of a numb mind is one of the biggest insults. Today DH went to help our son repair damage from last week’s ice that was worse at his house. He wanted me to go too, to get out, but I did not feel well enough. I wanted the comfort of my flannel robe, recliner, my own bathroom, etc. I also wanted the joy of being in my own house alone for a while.

 But I did try to do a few things including frying two pounds of liver and making a batch of fiber muffins. Liver thaws fast, cooks fast, but it is a mess as I get flour all over everywhere. But I am to build up cells when I can and liver is a good hearty blood building food. We like it too. But to give you an idea how my chemo acted just while cooking read below. I got ‘er done but not without some hurdles. The house smells like liver and I can only eat small amounts at a time, but hopefully it will help me next week!

 Cooking Today

Fed husband oatmeal with wonderful fresh blueberries. Sent him to son’s to fix ice damaged fence.

Dress. Then rest an hour with The View. Begin to cook two pounds of liver for extra iron and blood strength to face coming chemo again. Frying liver is fast and easy but so messy leaving flour all over the stove which will have to be cleaned.

Made some fiber muffins. Mixed dry ingredients and then the wet ones. Cracked three eggs and stupidly cracked one into the egg carton instead of the bowl!!!

Reached for raisins, none, but there were some currants. Soaked them.

Stirred all together and put into oven. Turned and saw currants still draining.

Felt so shaky and weak from being up. Forced myself forward. Thought it was time for a rest, maybe even a nap!

 

 

 

 

I Am a Wee Bit Back!

 

January is half over and we sit inside waiting for ice. For two days, our warnings have been dire about ice, but Mother Nature has danced around the freezing point so we have some passable streets. Since I am not going out much anyway, I think a pretty snow would be nice instead. But…we take what we get. I just hope one more day will put us past the severe ice danger and damage.

 

 

Inside the house does have snowmen. I put little out for Christmas this year due to health reasons, but still I only put away part of it. I could not bear the thoughts of silk spring flowers and rabbits yet. I also did not want to see bare winter dullness, icy scenes. So, I compromised and left out lots of reds, lots of cheerful snowmen, and winter tea pots.

I also dragged out some of my favorite blue and whites. They comfort me so.

 

I did a new chemo two days after Christmas and while still in the midst of surgery healing. It was hard and devastating for 12 days. So, the last few days as it has lifted, but I return on January 23 for more (sort of like hitting your own head with a hammer and knowing it is coming!). With these better days DH has helped me and together we put house back together to face next round. We/he swept floors, put out clean kitchen tablecloths, vacuumed up dog hair, wiped down refrigerator and did up laundry. Doesn’t sound exciting I know, but it is thrilling to someone who has not been able to wipe up a thing for long while. We often take so much for granted and don’t realize how delightful a wet sponge in our hand is until we can’t do it anymore!

There has been writing here, not even a blog page for nearly two months. That is sad, but I do still reach for your blogs to read when I can even if I don’t leave a comment. I am glad you dear pals are out there!

Reading is hard too, but I am reading a little on the better days. Right now, I am reading My Brothers’ Keeper. This is collection of bios of Christians that saved Jews during the Holocaust even at the expense of their own lives. Yes, it could be seen as a dark book, but I am so uplifted to know these people existed. I hope that our world still has such giving and principled people.

This is about all I can write today. Thank you all again for continued prayers and support. I hope you all are warm and safe and happy on this winter’s day!

Cowboy Night

 

This weekend a friend encouraged DH and I to get out. The local Spiva Art was having a small art show this month of Western Art. On Saturday night, they had a special program that was music, song, and stories. Geff Lawson who is a winner of the National Cowboy Poetry Rodeo in Utah and a member of the Cowboy Hall of Fame was the program.  

Geff and his wife Dawn were great music makers. He set most of his Cowboy Poetry to his own music and told jokes and stories in between. The crowd was small but included a few cowboys. What is not to love about music, poetry, and cowboys in great hats not to mention fancy boots!

 

I appreciate Cowboy Poetry but am not good at writing it. I thought once I would give it a try, but I had no inspiration or talent for it.

 

This guy had an amazing resemblance to Sam Elliot! He was a prize winning Cowboy Poet from Arkansas.

 

 

Do you like Cowboy Poetry or just cowboys?

 

 

Thanksgiving Should Be Every Day

 

                                        This lovely tree stands across the street and has looked inviting all season. I watch it from  my living room window and am grateful for its beauty, its standing strong in wind and rain.

Another week has passed and autumn is beginning to draw to a close. Today the wind blew furiously taking down a great number of leaves to tumble into gutters, roll across yards, and race down the streets. A friend took me for a short ride while the weather was still warm and before all the trees were stripped. Here and there stood trees in lovely colors that appeared quite late this year.

The week for me was one of tests, appointments, frustrations, family upheaval, and well just life I guess. If it could be broken or ruined, it was done here. I did manage to help DH move things on the deck so he could seal the floor boards before winter. In years past, I have gotten things off the deck, sealed it and moved things back myself. When DH retired, we worked as a team. Alas this year cancer and age have altered both of us. We no longer moved things off but basically moved from one side to another and sealed the empty side. It took two days but it is now done.

 

 

An editor wrote that she wanted to use a story of mine. I submitted the story a year ago this month! Now she wants the first line changed and quickly so she can use in January. I am glad to hear all this and tried to handle that first thing this morning. Lots of things went wrong like all my contacts are gone from Outlook!!!! Like I sent the email and forgot to attached the changes! I bet she thinks I am an idiot, but it is really chemo brain. DH just said tonight that it not like me to forget so much. It is hard to be in my body right now!

 One of the things I did this week was have barium CAT scans. I get the results Monday. The nurse feels that more chemo will be called for and that might put a dent in Christmas. But with the extra chemo free week right now, I should be able to have a decent Thanksgiving before more things to face. Right now, I am just thankful to be here for another Thanksgiving!

 

As I have said before, I have just good and decent friends. One showed his photography last week at an art show. When I bragged on his lovely red fox, he brought me a framed smaller version. I am really enjoying this perky fox sitting on the library table to greet me each morning. The colors are just right for these autumn days.

As my world and the world in general continue to deal with stress and distress, I hope you all can find plenty to be thankful for these days. I just have to believe there is a purpose and some end result that is worth the abundant madness that is around. I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving week ahead…and get those jackets out as cold is a coming!

This tree stands in front of an abandoned house around the corner from us. Its shape is perfect! Every year we have watched and been thankful for the grandeur of this tree. This year the color came late and weak. Finally now it is giving a good last hurrah! The leaves in the top are thin but with sunshine and limbs reaching high in the sky, we forgive this year's imperfection...just grateful it still stands!

Another Week in November Is Gone

Here we are at the end of another week, a week of turmoil and upset for many people. Anger is the result of fear in our brains and there are enough of both to go around these days. I call constantly for a return to civility, the best parts of it anyway. I have not sorted out my many feelings on many topics even yet. Just trying to live moment to moment right now and see some pattern in the chaos of both the world and my world.

Monday, we went to my uncle’s visitation. It was quite an effort, but the daytime funeral the next morning was during a dentist appointment I needed to keep. This week is extra one after chemo and side effects are less. Must go and do while I can. So, we went to the visitation which also meant being with family from afar that I might not ever get to see again. Pictures were abundant. It was like we all knew the end was near for us as well as the uncle. We wanted to save the moments in any way we could. Instinct tells us to cling to life and visions of it.

After dentist, the next day was eye doctor for us both. Expected a lot of problems but both were better than expected. Chemo effects were light; insides of eyes were moderately healthy for our states of health, but DH now has cataracts that will require surgery in a year or so. Afterwards we ate lunch and went to Sam’s to stock the larder. I was grateful to be able to walk the store and do things as I once did. But I was very tired when I got home!

Yesterday I visited my exercise group but not for the exercises. I only went for the last hour which is tea and talk. It was good to be there again even for a little while! That evening one more return as we went to the movies like we used to do. Wow, have the prices gone up while I wasn’t looking!!! The movies are so poor in most cases I think they should pay us to go!

We wanted to see Mel Gibson’s Hacksaw Ridge and it was worth the money. I have to be honest it was one of the goriest movies I have seen. But it was a WWII setting on Okinawa so I knew what to expect. Something about the war and that time period draws me though…always has. I hate the horror but love the tales when men rise above themselves and do grand things. This story is about conscientious objector who served as a medic and is a true story.  I won’t say much more as I don’t want to spoil it for you. Despite the killing and maiming and terror, the story also has faith and promise and goodness. Makes you think! Even this war movie has a good ending of sorts.

                                                  DH and me at the funeral visitation

Another Monday Morning

Here it is another Monday morning in autumn. There is some light rain and every little bit the sun tries to peak out from gauzy clouds  like a shy dancer with a billowing scarf. The trash trucks have been by which thrills Miss Biscuit who loves to chase them from one corner of the yard to the next. Just say "trash truck" and she tilts her head before racing to the door.

I am between chemos with a rest period before tests. It does feel good to be out from under most of the chemo side effects for a bit. I have several appointments and things I want to do during this period, although too much is still tiring. I have been able to attend my book club, do a birthday luncheon, and attend a small group supper.

Saturday a Best Buy Geek set up a new tower for me. I am so glad to have the computer working again even if it now has Windows 10 which means I lost my Publisher. I do wish the world would leave well enough alone. Not all improvements are necessary or for the best.

Last night the door bell rang and Biscuit did her barking dance. I saw a man I did not know. When I opened the door I saw my California cousin. The man was also a cousin I had not seen since childhood. They had been talking of coming all fall, but when an uncle died last week they decided to do it and see all the family they could. They are two of ten children but were the only ones who could make the flight right now. It was such a surprise and meant a lot to see them here after so many years.

Last week I also read a good book, Eleanor and Hick, about Eleanor Roosevelt and the circle of friends, particularly women, who shared her life. The author was amazingly honest and yet tasteful in her book about the relationship between Eleanor and FDR and the times they lived in. I admired ER ass a young girl and to read about her again in this stage of my life I was moved and impressed all over again.

The next ten days or so hold many appointments for me including some fearful CAT scans. My life has very little worth sharing, but hopefully something will pop up between appointments that will be worth of writing a line or two. At least now I can write a blog page if I want with a computer that will work!!!

Here is hoping that tomorrow in America will go smoothly and that somehow we as a Nation will find civility once again! I know the boring 50's and tumultuous 60's and money raking 80's all were less than perfect, but right now I long for some of the rules and guidelines that shaped our lives then.
Be sure and vote somehow...some way....it is a privilege to do so!!!!