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It is Friday Fictioneers again and I am ready to play. For
complete rules about writing a 100 word ditty related to the picture of the
week, go to http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2012/12/05/7-december-2012/.
This week’s picture and my effort is below.
Hallways
She had been down that long hallway many times, had dealt
with situations behind the many doors so often. It had been a lifetime of
injuries, accidents, and even death. Now here she was again padding down the
sterile hall, feeling the slightly cold, stale hospital air.
She opened the door and the residue of a lifetime's use of Este
Lauder met her at the door along with the raspy breath of the woman under thin
white sheets. The body had heard the door creak and opened her eyes. That was
when she saw the face was her own.
19 comments:
so at first, i'm thinking an out-of-body death experience, but she's still breathing, so not yet death, but perhaps comatose. well done.
Spooky story! i like the set up, and how you leave so many questions unanswered. Great job!
I thought out of body experience as well. Very cool story
I like the unexpected twist. Nicely done!
THAT was a shock! You could elaborate on this for at least a full-size short story's length, I think. Nicely written.
Great writing. I enjoyed your piece very much.
Really nice! The line "residue of a lifetime's use of Este Lauder met her at the door" brought to mind the smells from the "old people's home" that my great-grandmother was in when I knew her. Good twist at the end, oto.
ewww.
Nasty one.
Randy
Very unexpected end. You had me there... :-)
sweet!
Bedridden, yet walking the halls in her mind. The mind is capable of amazing things and your story illustrates one lonely aspect of that. Well done.
Aloha,
Doug
Oh how I can visualise 'a lifetime's use of Estee Lauder'. Nice work, enjoyed it.
Dear Claudia,
You gave the story sight, scent and feel. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Is that her mother or she herself having an out-of-body experience?
I'm also confused... wondering if it is her mother or she herself having the out-of-body experience?
Great twist at the end. I'm thinking this is the moment when the soul takes leave of the body. Ron
An interesting out-of-body experience. We have met the sick person, and they are us.
Spooky!
Well written.
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