Friday, December 7, 2012

Friday Fictioneers, Hallways


It is Friday Fictioneers again and I am ready to play. For complete rules about writing a 100 word ditty related to the picture of the week, go to http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2012/12/05/7-december-2012/. This week’s picture and my effort is below.
 
 

Hallways
She had been down that long hallway many times, had dealt with situations behind the many doors so often. It had been a lifetime of injuries, accidents, and even death. Now here she was again padding down the sterile hall, feeling the slightly cold, stale hospital air.

She opened the door and the residue of a lifetime's use of Este Lauder met her at the door along with the raspy breath of the woman under thin white sheets. The body had heard the door creak and opened her eyes. That was when she saw the face was her own.  

19 comments:

brainsnorts said...

so at first, i'm thinking an out-of-body death experience, but she's still breathing, so not yet death, but perhaps comatose. well done.

elmowrites said...

Spooky story! i like the set up, and how you leave so many questions unanswered. Great job!

H.L. Pauff said...

I thought out of body experience as well. Very cool story

Jess Schira said...

I like the unexpected twist. Nicely done!

SharonW said...

THAT was a shock! You could elaborate on this for at least a full-size short story's length, I think. Nicely written.

Silently Heard said...

Great writing. I enjoyed your piece very much.

janet said...

Really nice! The line "residue of a lifetime's use of Este Lauder met her at the door" brought to mind the smells from the "old people's home" that my great-grandmother was in when I knew her. Good twist at the end, oto.

thewritersvillage said...

ewww.
Nasty one.

Randy

Brudberg said...

Very unexpected end. You had me there... :-)

billgncs said...

sweet!

Douglas MacIlroy said...

Bedridden, yet walking the halls in her mind. The mind is capable of amazing things and your story illustrates one lonely aspect of that. Well done.

Aloha,

Doug

Sandra Crook said...

Oh how I can visualise 'a lifetime's use of Estee Lauder'. Nice work, enjoyed it.

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields said...

Dear Claudia,
You gave the story sight, scent and feel. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle

Parul said...

Is that her mother or she herself having an out-of-body experience?

Lora said...

I'm also confused... wondering if it is her mother or she herself having the out-of-body experience?

Anonymous said...

Great twist at the end. I'm thinking this is the moment when the soul takes leave of the body. Ron

Russell said...

An interesting out-of-body experience. We have met the sick person, and they are us.

Abraham Gumba said...

Spooky!

Well written.

Anonymous said...

pfvlv [url=http://www.drdrebeatscheapsales.com]beats by dre sale[/url] gqlotf http://www.drdrebeatscheapsales.com wquz [url=http://www.drebeatsstudioheadphones.com]beats by dre sale[/url] oylpyh http://www.drebeatsstudioheadphones.com bafe [url=http://www.beatsdreheadphonesonsale.com]beats by dre sale[/url] lbcvob http://www.beatsdreheadphonesonsale.com zmxeb [url=http://www.dreheadphonesonsales.com]beats by dre outlet[/url] envuzg http://www.dreheadphonesonsales.com qogrw [url=http://www.drdrebeatssales.com]dr dre beats[/url] thiok http://www.drdrebeatssales.com kgctd [url=http://www.focsa.org.au/myreview/beatsbydre.phtml]monster beats[/url] xvqco http://www.focsa.org.au/myreview/beatsbydre.phtml uob