Saturday, September 4, 2010

Saturday Centus, Night Travel


This is Saturday Centus . The prompt must be used word for word somewhere in the story on not more than 100 words.The prompt is highlighted. For complete rules see:http://jennymatlock.blogspot.com. I have highlighted this week's prompt in piece below.







Night Travel
When they had left North Platte heading west at sunset, they drove into darkening skies. As they made miles across rolling prairies, dusk fell. Janice shoved in a Nakai CD, the notes springing out of his cedar flute like field grasshoppers in wheat stubble. When they turned north towards the reservation, distant jagged lightning ripped across the sky like a broken zipper, splitting the darkness momentarily. She wondered if she should be afraid, if First People spirits were watching them.


Sam reached over for her hand, caressed her palm. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”


She smiled. It was going to be a beautiful dark and stormy night.

22 comments:

Viki said...

Loved the Native American influence. Great Centus.

5thsister said...

This was a very unique take on Ms.Jenny's theme. I liked it very much. Growing up on the prairie of the Great Plains I could relate to your metaphors and analogies. Excellent!

Cheryl said...

Got my attention with Carlos Nakai's flute. Could hear him playing softly in the background. Nice imagery.

Terra said...

Oh I liked this. The flute notes...brilliant.

Susannah said...

'the notes springing out of his cedar flute like field grasshoppers in wheat stubble' - wonderful!

Nice use of the prompt.

Susannah :-)
mines here - http://panopticulated.blogspot.com/2010/09/that-night-saturday-centus-week-18.html

Jen said...

I love dark and stormy nights as long as I'm not driving. Your imagery makes me shiver. I'd have to find someplace to stop until the storm passed.

Ames said...

I like it when there is something left to the readers imagination. I can sense her anticipation. Nice! ~Ames

Jenners said...

What atmosphere and detail! I felt like I wandered into the middle of a novel I would like to read. Great descriptions there!

Tina said...

Nicely done! Great mood you invoked, and I loved the part about the flute.

linda said...

Excellent.
"Notes like field grasshoppers in wheat stubble."
I love it. And i remember some of those stormy nights on the prairie. Ahhhhhh....

Sue said...

I love the Native American take on this. Really nice.

=)

Jenny said...

What beautiful imagery in this little story.

I also loved "the notes springing out of his cedar flute like field grasshoppers in wheat stubble". Gosh. That line alone was worth the price of admission!

Wonderful link.

Thank you.

jfb57 said...

Oooo! Miss will tell you off because the prompt wasn't used EXACTLY but I thought it was a great piece!

My name is PJ. said...

How I loved "ripping across the sky like a broken zipper"!!! Beautiful imagery!!

Kaelin said...

love your approach to this - imagery is fantastic

Lourie said...

I like this! What a cool image you have produced.

Thanks for visiting me.

noexcuses said...

What a great visual! I'm going to have to check out Carolos Nakai! I loved this story!

Thanks for stopping by!

Tgoette said...

Great job this week Claudia! Lovely imagery and your word phrasing is wonderful. I loved this!

Malisa said...

"Field grasshoppers in wheat stubble"...I think I have been there! You created a nice picture in my mind. Thanks!

I just posted two assignments in one post. I'm bad, but come visit me anyway!

Malisa

Kat said...

Beautiful imagery Claudia. I could really see the landscape unfolding before me as I read this. My favorite line? "lightening ripped across the sky like a broken zipper" - perfection! Kat

cj Schlottman said...

There are so many good things about this piece. I'm late to the party, again, so I will add my "ditto" to the other comments - especially the concrete images!

Thanks..........cj

~Lissa said...

I love that you made the dark and stormy night into a beautiful thing. And wow, your words and analogies were so incredibly vivid. Excellent job!