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Today I am joining Rachel at Friday Fictioneers. Using a picture prompt, write a piece of flash fiction with only 100 words. For full rules and more pieces of fiction to read, go to http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2013/05/01/3-may-2013/
Morning Rituals
He stepped out on the concrete terrace of his high rise in the nascent dawn. As every morning, his eyes raced to her wrought iron balcony, curved like a clam shell where she brushed long hair looking like Rapunzel. He touched those silky locks in his imagination, wondered if she were married, longed to hear her voice.
He felt sure her apartment smelled like lavender, soft and calming, but he could only envisage the décor since the angle didn’t let him view more than gauzy drapes she floated through each morning.
“Harvey! Eggs are ready,” barked his wife.
The real day began.
24 comments:
Sounds like he married the wrong woman!
ha ha ha ha ha That was a good one, Claudia. He was gazing at those gauzy drapes but then he smelled the bacon! ha haha You really painted a great picture with words. Susan
HI - What a delicious fantasy he weaves in his own mind. This is what probably keeps his morning moments worthwhile, considering the reality he has to face every day. Enjoyed this.
What you call a rude awakening. Nice way to start the day though.
"Claudia's Page" has been included in the Sites To See for this week. Be assured that I hope this helps to point many new visitors in your direction.
http://asthecrackerheadcrumbles.blogspot.com/2013/05/sites-to-see.html
Ah, barking wives and reality. The two always seem to creep back in, don't they?
I'm a little concerned that he will go from longing to some sinister actions. That's usually the case in FF...
I'm with Bjorn. Barking wife or not, I find this guy a little creepy. I mean, if some guy woke up every morning, watched me brush my hair, and fantasized about what my apartment smells like... Yikes. Someone ought to tell Rapunzel she's being stalked.
Welcome to the Fictioneers, Claudia. I really enjoyed the descriptions in your piece. As Bjorn said, in the Fictioneers, one always wonders when the murder, mayhem and bad stuff begins but hopefully this is just a bit of harmless fantasy on his part. But who knows??? :-)
janet
Nice fantasy with a cold splash of reality; those elements need each other. You really told this "poor" man's story well-like I already know everything about him in 100 short words.
Welcome to FF.. enjoyed this story :)
A voyeur with a barking wife. Sounded loving until the last moment. Well done!
I love it, Claudia. The picture is a great prompt, and your final sentence is a perfect twist.
It strikes me this is what some writers do every day, spend some time in reverie before they go out and do what they have to in the world.
Nicely written. It may be that we are so used to spooky turns here at FF but when she drifted through the curtains I thought she was going to be a ghost. Maybe she is! :)
i feel sorry for both the guy and his wife. i wish there were more happy married couples, great story and awesome twist :)
Dear Claudia,
Happy to have you among us. A rather jarring end to his fantasy.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Dear Claudia,
Happy to have you among us. A rather jarring end to his fantasy.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Poor Harvey! Reality is a miserable mistress, compared to his imagination. Well written! I enjoyed it.
Hmmm. The twist at the end brought me back to reality, as I'm sure it did to the husband with the wandering eye and vivid imagination.
p.s. on Monday night. Hi Bookie! Thanks for your visit and comment. I had put that the flower was a zinnia but one of my blog peeps let me know it was a gerber daisy.
I'm glad when someone catches an error, aren't you?
Hope you have a nice Tuesday. Is spring back yet? Susan
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