In May when I put this blog to sleep, my husband was not happy with me. He thought I was quitting too soon. But I knew I could not keep it up and did not want to do a shoddy job of anything, much less my blog. I instinctively knew that every ounce of me must set to work to fight cancer. It has been and still is a hard fight!!!! But thanks to many of you, I have held on to hope and prayer which are the real howitzers of the battle. I am a long way from winning the war, but I can see the enemy wearing down the tiniest bit. I am not sure if I should post here or not, but I do miss you all!
I miss reading blogs…of writing blogs…of reading books…of writing poems and fiction. At first I could not even hold a book, but I am once again reading some. I can’t write but my mind begins to whirl a bit again. If you don’t hear from me, it is because I am very sick and can’t write or visit your pages. I have been reading a few pages but sometimes even writing a one line comment is too much for me.
God and I are talking things over and I am trying to figure what I could do for Him if he allows me to stay here longer. I have always tried to be a good person (although I often missed the mark!), so I am not sure I can change that part of my living. However, ovarian cancer is little understood and is a silent demon that tiptoes up on women and takes them hostage. So maybe I could be a spokesperson….raise money for research…use my writing to promote information to spare other women my plight. Maybe I will experience a miracle and am simply to tell others about it. I just don’t know.
I have already learned much including how good and kind people are or can be. I can’t begin to thank you for specific things without risking leaving someone out. However, I have received Masses said in France, cards mailed from Australia, prayers from the Deep South, candles lit in Illinois, medals and prayer cards of Saint Peregrine (patron saint of cancer), shawls from St. Louis, scarves from numerous places, hats from friends, and so many kind, kind words from all over the world. My book club went together and bought me an iPad so I can watch movies during my six hour chemo days.
I have been supported by family, friends, neighbors, associates, but the most astounding thing has been you Blogger Peeps! I have a huge basket of cards from people I have never ever even met face to face or talked to on the phone! From my words alone, you came to care for me. You did not throw me over when I could no longer be a blogger too. The profound statements you made and the prayers you prayed made a wet spot on my desk where I opened both snail mail and email and cried like a baby in gratitude.
I don’t when or if or how I can write again here, but I want to return to you if at all possible. Again thanks for all the continued prayers and support and kindness. I am grateful, humbled, and filled with JOY by you.