Recently I read about and mentioned on my blog the term “dreaming backwards”. I’ve been doing a lot of it lately, fearing the future and regretting how many years have gone by—and so suddenly too! So many of my family behind me are gone now; I miss them. Some days I find myself thinking of Gran or even saying aloud, “Dad would like….”. Then I remember.
My dad’s side of the family, a mixture of German and Irish, loved stories, tall tales, jokes and laughter and even music too in the old days. Before I can remember, my Grandpa and his dad played fiddle for dances in German, Irish, and Italian communities. Don’t you know that was wild in 1925….1935…even a little in 1945? My great grandpa added to the frolicking as he ran his own still. Dreaming backwards makes me wish I could hear just ONE of those fiddle tunes today.
I was a rather serious kid and teenager because I wanted the world to be better than it was. I believed we humans could change things! However, I also had a lot of fun laughing! I loved to laugh but not at anyone or about nasty topics or any stereotypes. I commented to DH just this last weekend that the thing about being older that I miss the most (besides my bicycle!) is laughter. I don’t seem to laugh anymore.
So dreaming backwards again, I dug out some pictures of who I was “back then”. I think I must have been a fun kid sometimes at least! Mom had me be pretty prim and proper most of the time, but I think I see some fun on this first grade face. Then again when I found one our wedding pictures where DH looks like a baby, but I can see, not just remember, just how happy I was!
A few weeks ago, DH and I drove up to my friend’s surprise 70th birthday. Many pictures were taken by lots of people. Today I found a note from her in the mailbox and a couple of snaps her son took. Always it makes me happy to have mail from her, but she has no idea how much the pictures meant to me today. Here it was, real time, and no dreaming backwards….somewhere under the bags and wrinkles, the eyes still told the story---I could still laugh and the ME I once knew was still to be found!