Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Spoiler Alert: Heavy Duty Blog

I never wanted to put much down stuff on my blog and have worked to find something in each day to be positive about, something I think that would be fun to share. That was the whole idea of the blog in the first place, a positive thanks-giving place. But sometimes, the ugly can’t be avoided because it is part of life. One of my shortcomings has always been to crumble with the pain of others because I felt it so much with them. As I age, I am becoming tougher, but still I seek answers and meanings for why the ugly has to happen.

Two weeks ago my 97 year old father-in-law fell twice in one week and broke his hip. Sparing the details, readers will know what a broken hip means at that age. It has been a text book case of delirium, dementia, weakness, infection, etc. Yesterday he was better but who knows what each day will bring…just like it is for all humans really. It is hard on us as we make the 160 mile round trips. First the worry, followed by sorrow and then our own exhaustion.

Today is DH’s birthday but we aren’t celebrating like we should be. We are just glad to be at home and getting some rest ourselves. We know this is not over, that there will be more to face. Yet, this is an expected challenge because as my Grandma used to say, “None of us get out of this mess alive.” The upside is my father-in-law has had thirty years of living more than my own Dad who died in severe and excruciating pain. My father-in-law is amazingly in no pain and has not had much pain at all he tells us.

I know we are not to ask HOW and WHY in this world, but still we try sorting out the meaning of things which is more difficult on given days. At times like these I wonder if all the modern advancements are so really advanced. We have invented such things that make us live longer but for what? For what kind of life? Sometimes it looks to me like our bodies become like junk cars, sitting up on blocks, a cloudy windshield to see through, tires that won’t roll, an engine that barely rumbles. Then someone sees a hole in the radiator and gets excited to fix the leaking anti-freeze. But hey, the car still won’t run because it is worn out.

I used to say that we should all be Butterball turkeys with one of those oven timers. You know the ones I mean where the button pops up and the cooking is done, no questions asked. Maybe we would all live better lives and be nicer to one another if we had a button we could watch, reminding us daily that this is all there is…the now. We are all guilty of forgetting how fast the days go, of not relishing each opportunity to be a better person, always thinking we have a tomorrow.  Some days we do, and others...well, the time is often up before we are ready. 


Rebecca said...

Wow! From junked cars to Butterball turkeys....Your word pictures carry some pretty "deep" thoughts. And you're certainly allowed! Life ISN'T always "up".

You're face-to-face with some difficult and unpleasant circumstances and handling them the best you can given your realities.

Don't apologize. Life with hope. Tomorrow is another day.

I wish your husband a belated Happy Birthday and your Father-in-Law comfort & exceptional good care.

Debora said...

My mom broke her hip at 87. I'll spare you the details...but the story isn't fun. If it helps, I've come to believe that parents' growing older and needing us is a right of passage. A time for us to be with them in their helplessness and to do for them some of what they did for us as infants and children. And it's their last chance to teach us two most valuable lessons...the preciousness of life; and how to die. I will say a prayer for you all.

Susan said...

Oh, Bookie. I'm sad for your father-in-law, for you, and for your hubs. It's all part of life, I guess, but it's not the pleasant part.

I think I have honed living in the moment. It truly is a gift and all we have.

Thanks for your share and Bookie, good luck. Try to be gentle with yourself. Susan

Donna Volkenannt said...

Hi Claudia,
I could feel the frustration in your post, yet still you expressed yourself in such a graceful way. Your junk car analogy is perfect for the way I feel some days, and your grandmother's advice is perfect.
Hope the next few days and weeks get better for you and you find comfort in life's small joys.
Sending warm thoughts and prayers your way.

Linda O'Connell said...

That radiator analogy was perfect. Happy birthday to hubby and try to do something to help you relax, I know it is difficult right now. Know you are in thoughts and prayers.

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Lisa Ricard Claro said...

Your junk cars/Butterball comparisons are quite spot on, Claudia. My own dad passed at 67, in pain, very ill. My father-in-law died last year at 88, also very ill. I think both of them would have said they wished for a Butterball timer.

I'm sorry for your current difficulties. These things are exhausting, emotionally and physically. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Sioux said...

Claudia--I love the idea of turkey timer. That needs to be the centerpiece of a essay/story you submit somewhere. The way it could change the way we live our lives...wonderful idea.

I read your previous post and can connect with it as well. I'm adopted, and found out in my 40's that I had two half-sisters. I then got to see photos of my birth mother. You're right. When we get embraced by the "new" family, it enriches our lives...

Lynn said...

Hope your father-in-law is doing okay. And you too!