Friday, December 7, 2012

Friday Fictioneers, Hallways


It is Friday Fictioneers again and I am ready to play. For complete rules about writing a 100 word ditty related to the picture of the week, go to http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2012/12/05/7-december-2012/. This week’s picture and my effort is below.
 
 

Hallways
She had been down that long hallway many times, had dealt with situations behind the many doors so often. It had been a lifetime of injuries, accidents, and even death. Now here she was again padding down the sterile hall, feeling the slightly cold, stale hospital air.

She opened the door and the residue of a lifetime's use of Este Lauder met her at the door along with the raspy breath of the woman under thin white sheets. The body had heard the door creak and opened her eyes. That was when she saw the face was her own.  
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19 comments:

  1. AnonymousDecember 7, 2012 at 7:30 AM

    so at first, i'm thinking an out-of-body death experience, but she's still breathing, so not yet death, but perhaps comatose. well done.

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  2. AnonymousDecember 7, 2012 at 8:36 AM

    Spooky story! i like the set up, and how you leave so many questions unanswered. Great job!

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  3. H.L. PauffDecember 7, 2012 at 9:12 AM

    I thought out of body experience as well. Very cool story

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  4. Jess SchiraDecember 7, 2012 at 9:34 AM

    I like the unexpected twist. Nicely done!

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  5. SharonWDecember 7, 2012 at 10:04 AM

    THAT was a shock! You could elaborate on this for at least a full-size short story's length, I think. Nicely written.

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  6. Silently HeardDecember 7, 2012 at 10:10 AM

    Great writing. I enjoyed your piece very much.

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  7. janetDecember 7, 2012 at 10:28 AM

    Really nice! The line "residue of a lifetime's use of Este Lauder met her at the door" brought to mind the smells from the "old people's home" that my great-grandmother was in when I knew her. Good twist at the end, oto.

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  8. AnonymousDecember 7, 2012 at 11:55 AM

    ewww.
    Nasty one.

    Randy

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  9. brudbergDecember 7, 2012 at 2:23 PM

    Very unexpected end. You had me there... :-)

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  10. billgncsDecember 7, 2012 at 9:03 PM

    sweet!

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  11. Douglas MacIlroyDecember 7, 2012 at 10:05 PM

    Bedridden, yet walking the halls in her mind. The mind is capable of amazing things and your story illustrates one lonely aspect of that. Well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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  12. Sandra CrookDecember 7, 2012 at 11:47 PM

    Oh how I can visualise 'a lifetime's use of Estee Lauder'. Nice work, enjoyed it.

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  13. Rochelle Wisoff-FieldsDecember 8, 2012 at 4:15 AM

    Dear Claudia,
    You gave the story sight, scent and feel. Well done.
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

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  14. ParulDecember 8, 2012 at 10:41 AM

    Is that her mother or she herself having an out-of-body experience?

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  15. LoraDecember 8, 2012 at 8:45 PM

    I'm also confused... wondering if it is her mother or she herself having the out-of-body experience?

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  16. AnonymousDecember 9, 2012 at 8:49 AM

    Great twist at the end. I'm thinking this is the moment when the soul takes leave of the body. Ron

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  17. RussellDecember 10, 2012 at 1:43 PM

    An interesting out-of-body experience. We have met the sick person, and they are us.

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  18. Abraham GumbaDecember 12, 2012 at 10:46 PM

    Spooky!

    Well written.

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